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If Shakespeare

If Shakespeare was alive today, he'd be all "Holy shit, why am I still alive? How?" And we'd be like "I donno." And he'd be like "I donno either. Weird." And we'd be "Yah".
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My Theory on This About That

I hypothesize that Santa Claus does NOT travel around the world in one night leaving presents for all good little boys and girls. Instead, he takes his time and delivers them through-out the year and uses magic to hide them until Christmas Eve. 
Further, that Santa's schedule, pay and compensation for expenses, while not necessarily union ratified, do meet or exceed best practices using a multi-dimensional approach.

Finally, despite the incontrovertible evidence that most people in Christian based societies, including both government and military forces, have actively engaged, for decades, in a grand deception solely to convince you when you were too young to know better, that a guy in a red suits drops by once a year to give you stuff, the Christmas Spirit can still be highly enjoyable.